I haven’t had a lot of time to write lately. Between the never ending home improvements project, work being super busy, and keeping up with my studies, there just isn’t much time. No, I’m not taking college courses but pre-school is exhausting, second grade is going okay (so far), but don’t get me started on how middle school is treating me. Despite all the chaos, I’m still trying my best to record childhood stories for my kids.
A couple of weeks after the school year started, I was met at the door by a ticked off second grader. I can’t even express how lovely it is to get home after an exhausting day at work, only to get slapped in the face with an argument already in progress. It would be nice if they would at least let me get my high heels off.
This particular disagreement was actually between the second grader and Mr. Man. It was over math homework. I was surprised because Captain Destruct-o loves math and usually has no issues completing it. I expect this kind of drama from The Informant but not Captain D. I told him to calm down so he could tell me what was going on. He said that Mr. Man was going to make him re-do the problem because he told him that he needed to draw pictures to represent tree, or apples, or something. I can’t remember exactly what it was. Captain D said “I’m not good at drawing and my teacher said we could just make circles.” This is true. The teachers just want them to make some kind of mark to represent the objects in order to solve the problem. It’s not art it’s math. I looked it over and although it was messy, it was correct. I told him to bring me his sheet that we have to sign each day to let the teacher know that he completed his homework. This is when things became interesting.
It took him awhile to get it. When he handed it to me I thought I was going to lose it. Sometimes I’m a terrible parent and I’m amused by things that I shouldn’t be amused by, or at least I shouldn’t let them know that I’m amused. I was looking at the faint, forged signature of Mr. Man. Captain D had tried to erase it but he didn’t do a thorough job. I have to say, although you could tell that it was the unsteady hand of a seven year old, he did a pretty good job. I looked at him and trying my best not to smirk (after all, it wasn’t my signature) I said “What is this?” and I pointed to signature. He looked at his feet and said “It’s Mr. Man’s name”. Then, trying his best to save his ass, he said “I was just practicing it.” Oh my God, are you kidding me. Child, I hope you get better at this or you are doomed. I looked at him and said “Why would you need to practice his signature?” He opted to go with his default answer “I don’t know”. That’s always a good choice, when in doubt play dumb. Finally, Mr. Man started paying attention to our conversation and I was thankful. I handed him the paper and walked out of the room.
The Informant followed me into the kitchen. I had my back to him and I was laughing but he thought I was crying. He kept asking me if I was okay. I told him I was fine but that he needed to leave me alone for a minute. Well, at least I was pulling it off that I was disappointed. He probably told his brother “You made mom cry.”
Honestly, I expected that kind of behavior out of him during the teen years but I wasn’t ready for it at age seven. Maybe he’ll get better at covering up his deception if he starts practicing now.
Like most people’s kids, my kids have bedtime stalling down to an art. I honestly don’t know if “most people’s kids” is a factual statement but I like to pretend that it’s true. Even with us reminding them to brush their teeth, get a drink of water, and use the bathroom, they still find numerous reasons to get up. There’s always a forgotten hug or kiss. Not that I forgot to hug or kiss any of them, but they “forgot” that I already gave them one, sometimes two. Short term memory loss seems to be a major genetic defect in this family.
Britches likes to stall by asking me to cover her up 20 times a night, or sometimes she likes to request a particular stuffed animal to sleep with. I swear she knows which ones will take me the longest to find……… most likely because she hid it.
The Informant likes to beckon me into the room repeatedly to tell me that his little brother won’t shut up, and there forth he cannot fall asleep. As if yelling MOM repeatedly isn’t going to keep everyone n the house awake.
But my favorite is the urgent need to share random thought with me just moments before their little heads hit the pillow. You see, they have all day and a thousand opportunities to tell me “something”, but they typically wait until bedtime to say “BUT MOM… I need to tell you something”.
So, the other night I sat down to eat after I put them to bed. Here come Captain Destruct-o. I turned and looked at him and said “go to bed.” He replied “But, I just need to tell you something really quick.” I’m not at all surprised by this announcement. I said “Okay, what do you NEED to tell me?” He said “What month is it?” I thought, that’s not telling me something, that’s you asking me a question. I answered “It’s September”. Then he said “What’s after this month?” That’s question number two. When are we getting to the point? I answered “October”. Then he asked “What number is that?” Seriously dude, I’m too tired and hungry to chase you out of the kitchen but one more question and I’m calling for back-up. I answered “It’s 10.” Then he replied “So….. that’s when my birthday is.” Okay, so was that a question or a statement? I’m beginning to get confused. Damn, you’re one lucky kid. I answered “Umm, yeah your birthday is next month.” So finally we are getting to the point of this little game (besides the obvious fact that he’s not in bed). Then he says to me “Well, I just thought you should be thinking about that.” After that statement, he turned and walked out of the room. I just sat there, smiling and shaking my head back and forth. I thought, Yep, I plan on contacting a party planner just as soon as you go to bed on time.